Tuesday, October 18th, 2011 in Humor

There’s always something that seemed like an awesome idea for my home haunt. Seemed being the key word. I’m going to highlight some of those here, my top 5 flops of yard haunting.

But first, a little background: We’ve been putting on the show here in Euclid, Ohio since 2003. Before that I lived in 2 other places and put on the haunt yearly, really since 1999. Aside from the collecting of Halloween things and anything else I blog about, I’m also a huge yard haunter. I love it, dressing up, giving the kids a thrill and getting compliments from the neighbors. I love it when people in the middle of summer ask about Boo. It’s an awesome feeling to do something for our neighbors, just because we ALL enjoy it.

I got the wild hair the year after I graduated. Got all these ideas in my head. It has exploded from there.

It all started with the Monsterlist, which if you’re any sort of haunter or extreme decorator, you have been to. It’s the resource for Halloween tutorials and it’s been there since forever. I love it.

Over the years, as my skills have increased along with Guy’s, we’ve really put together an impressive little setup we are quite proud of. The byproduct of success, of course, is the occasional “what the hell was that?” We’ve all got them and here they are. I’ve rounded up my top five. Learn from my mistakes.

1: Welcome!

Fail 1: 2009's "welcome" banner

I wanted something to clearly mark off the entrance, even though there was no alternate way in. This was my lazy replacement for pillars, which I always sort of wanted to make.

I’m a woman, I improvise! I cut out felt (yes, the flimsy felt that kindergarteners make things out of), printed letters, cut those letters out and then used the printer paper as stencils. Painted on the letters (probably with oil paint so I would surely be sticky for 3 solid weeks) and sewed a pocket into the back of the felt. Slipped rope through and hung it from the garage to a pole. Center supports are for the weak.

Guess what happened next! Not only did it look nothing like I thought it would look, it actually drooped and sagged and looked pathetic. Check out the gap like that often found in a fat mans pants.

I don’t even know where it ended up. I hope it’s in the trash somewhere, thinking about what it’s done.

2: The Bleeding Tombstone

This baby looked great in the tutorial I found. They did a beautiful job and I was completely chomping at the bit to make my own. I wouldn’t say we jumped into this one without the right materials, but we had to use shiny paint (for stone?) and butchered some Tupperware in the making.

Fail 2: This bleeding tombstone scares ME.

It looks ok… not at all the stunning piece I was hoping for. Now the fun parts: the pump jammed all the time. Our flower box base that acted as the water reservoir was too big and we were stuffing odd bits of foam and plexiglass in there (HAY WHYS THE PUMP JAMMING LOL). And of course it never felt the desire to actually stand up, and even though floppy tombstones are always so effective, we tied it to a tree. HOW SPOOKY.

The best part is yet to come: no matter where we placed this thing, surrounded by lights like some 17-year-old starlet, nobody ever noticed.

3: The Haunted TV

In the spirit of the tombstone, we also decided to make a haunted TV.

Actually, we saw a huge console on the curb down the street, so we walked down there and rolled it back during mid afternoon traffic.

Guy gutted it, we put the fake screen in, which was nothing more than some shimmery fabric that had somehow avoided the 80′s/being turned into spandex. Add a foam head and none other than a Saturn windshield wiper motor and voilà! a haunted television.

Fail 3: This here boob tube.

This prop was less problematic than the tombstone, it wasn’t tied to anything but it got the same result: no one ever even looked at it.

I kind of blame being outside for this one. Maybe.

4: Peter the harmless-I-swear scarecrow

Fail 4: Peter did not die for your sins.

This one would have been fine, really, if someone hadn’t come along with their panties in a bunch. Let me explain:

I wanted a cheap scarecrow for 2004, just for the atmospheric element of one. So we grabbed 2 pieces of scrap paneling, nailed them together, stuffed a dummy and gave him a pumpkin head.

That was it, I promise.

Setting up Halloween day, a woman stops her car (I live on a very busy road) and gets out, starts gnawing on my ear about Peter. Can you guess what her issue was?

“[Her] Savior died on a cross…”

This conversation between us went down in flames before it really had a chance to get going as I had a million things to do and also, IT’S A FUCKING PUMPKIN NOT JESUS.

She then gave us window clings for the local Christian Cleveland station 99.5 the Fish. One was stuck to the stop sign on the corner of my house until some time around 2007.

5: I wish the electric chair was real

I can’t recall if this idea was ganked or pure genius. I can’t even remember who thought this would be a great idea. Which is fine as no one has to pay if I can’t prove who birthed this idea: A car horn triggered by a board that’s pushed when someone sits in the electric chair.

The kids took a half a millionth of a nanosecond to figure out this made noise – and a lot of it – and take full advantage.

Fail 5: Don't toot your own horn.

Do you know what it’s like to want to start tossing other people’s children in a fit of horn-induced rage?

I think Guy may have pulled the power to the horn between the tricking or treating 2005 was even a thing of the past.

I have a couple of others that could have really deserved an honorable mention. It’s a delicate balance that must be struck when you’re limited by storage space and cash flow whilst still having to make things that scare children in an out-of-doors environment, large and attention-getting without being physically interactive.

This is why when we hit on a good idea, we share

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Tags: home haunting, lol

Tuesday, September 20th, 2011 in Humor, Video

I just found these little gems on YouTube with a surprisingly low view count, and I can’t believe it. Don’t all of us Halloween-ies love everything that also happens to be any sort of vintage?

I think we’re slacking here, kiddos.

According to the original description these are from 1985 and were filmed in Lawrence, KS. What you’re about to see is 2 videos spanning one “safety film” geared at covering all the Halloween bases… like don’t cut off your fingers carving a pumpkin, don’t run out into traffic in a pre-sugar saturated spastic fit and don’t eat funny looking candy.

It’s narrated by a grinning jack o’lantern but it still comes off as a bit of a bummer. That being said, totally worth watching, if for no other reason than snap shots of kick-ass old boxed costumes a plenty!

Halloween Safety Video Part 1

Of course, the reason you get all dressed up at Halloween is so you can have fun going trick or treating.

Halloween Safety Video Part 2

Of course… I gotta agree with the whole don’t eff up someones display/pumpkins. Punk kids.

Thanks to the original uploader vancefink!

3 Ghoulish Gasps

Tags: retro, safety videos

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 in Costumes, Humor

With only… however many days to go until Halloween, here’s another entry for ya. The Headless Horseguy:

My mom found this inflatable Headless Horseman at a local discount store on the CHEAP BOY YEAH.

Ninny… finds amazing deals.

This is why the neighborhood loves us.
Guy ran up to a van at the stop sign and a child shrieked, “MOMMY I’M SCARED!!”.
Guy is like my Halloween soulmate <3<3<3

On a semi-related note, Marley is gonna hate Halloween.

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Tags: Costumes, Guy, lol, Marley

Monday, August 25th, 2008 in Costumes, Humor

Nightly I get on the Internet and look for neat Halloween costumes, preferably on the cheap.

Every so often, though, I come across some real gems.  Costumes that don’t belong in public.  Costumes that will make you wish it was Thanksgiving instead of Halloween.

So I give you a few of those here.  Are they treats or tricks?  You be the judge.

Fat Dracula

When Dracula gets too boring, why not don Fat Dracula instead?  What he lacks in being a charming, intimidating blood thirsty monster, he makes up for in fake lard, aroma of old cigars and off color jokes.  (Please note, those last 2 things don’t come with the costume, they’re included with the guy wearing the costume.)

And speaking of off color, why isn’t Fat Dracula’s stomach as white as his face?  Things like that really bug me.  I can’t help but think if Dracula really let himself go his stomach would at least still match his puffy, greasy cheeks.

Finally, can he fly when he turns into a fat bat?

Guitar Head

I really wanted to be a piano for Halloween but it would have been too hard to cut 52 keys into my flesh.  Disappointed as I am, I’m still not opting to go anywhere as a guitar with legs and arms and a face where the most commonly used frets are.

Maybe we’ll get lucky and some guy dressed as Jimi Hendrix will pick her up and smash her into someone else dressed as an amplifier.

Pumpkin Manchild

This costume would have been squeeze those cheeks adorable on this guy – 28 years ago.

Seriously, I’m surprised this costume has leg holes.  He couldn’t find someone to just carry him around all night?  I bet he’s wearing a diaper.  Picture him going into the quicky mart to buy beer.   Does he get carded?  Do they figure it’s some sort of robbery and just give him the cash?

I hope for his sake he’s going to a church party or some place where everybody will be nice and accept his creepy costume and not roll him into a lake or in front of a moving car.

Sicko Genie

It says “rub me”.  IT SAYS RUB ME.

But they got the perfect guy to model it.  I live across the street from a house with lots of guys aged about 25 years.  To the neighborhood it’s known as the celebration house of linked meat products.  They own pit bulls and sag their drawers.

I imagine this year there’ll be a whole bunch of sicko genies running around, in and out of the sausage party house yelling, “IT SAYS RUB ME.  HAHA YEAH.”

…Yeah.  And my 3 wishes are:

KILLMEKILLMEKILLME.

Down for the Count

Ha!  This has gotta be the best of the worst.  I wonder if they came up with the name first, which is why it had to be Count Dracula instead of a zombie or a mummy or something.

Whatever.  It’s still the most hilarious costume I’d never wear and the stupid vampire “sucking” jokes are endless.

1 Ghouslish Gasp

Tags: Costumes, lol